Part of My Testimony

Aspiring Ballerina

“Mommy, I want to be a ballerina when I grow up.” At five years old, I was confident that my career choice was an excellent one. Tutus and tiaras, music and applause, glitter and make up…what girl could want anything more?

“Okay, sweetie,” my mom responded kindly, as she did to so many of my other naïve comments.

To my parents’ surprise, I stayed true to my dream—pursuing ballet with a passion. As I matured, my training grew more intense and I entered the pre-professional program. By the time I started high school, I was at the studio six days a week. In a nutshell, my life consisted of eating, sleeping, school, and dance.

Taking Center Stage

Dance was a wonderful hobby, not only was it great physical exercise, but it taught you discipline, respect, and how to be an artist. For many of my friends, it was a positive alternative to getting into trouble. While most teenagers were off experimenting with sex, drugs and alcohol, my friends and I spent our evenings refining our pointe technique.

Productions became the most important thing in my life. As soon as the Artistic Director posted the Cast List, I was in the mob of girls that rushed to the bulletin board. Each time, my hopeful eyes scanned the list. I eagerly waited for that day I would be given the main role, always wondering, Is today going to be the day?

Fulfilled

I started to push harder in my training and it wasn’t long before I began to receive recognition. Small solos multiplied into main roles—Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker,Aurorain Sleeping Beauty.

By the time I reached my senior year in high school, I was dancing part-time in a ballet company, dancing on a liturgical dance team at my church, and auditioning for college dance programs.

Everything was going perfectly. I was living my dream. Dance held the center place in my life—it was where I found my identity.

An Unexpected Twist

Then, within a few months, everything that I’d worked so hard for began to disappear.  An injury to my leg turned out to be the first of a series of injuries.

The doctor told me, “You need to stay off your feet and rest.”

Rest? That word doesn’t exist in a ballerina’s vocabulary. Resting meant I couldn’t audition, I couldn’t perform, and I couldn’t do anything active. I was devastated. Days turned into months. My dream began to fall apart.

“Why is this happening to me?” I cried out to God. I’d been a Christian since I was nine and strongly believed God gave me the ability and desire to dance. I couldn’t understand why He’d allowed me to get injured.

As time went on, I began to realize that I had more than an injured leg, I had an injured heart. I was seeking fulfillment through dance. But there was no fulfillment to be found.

Nothing satisfies but a relationship with God.

While I was trying to fulfill my life through applause and personal achievement, God was trying to redirect me. I didn’t need to be prima ballerina. I didn’t need to go to Juilliard. I didn’t need to dance for New York City Ballet. God accepted me just the way I was. Only in Him would I ever find true satisfaction.

I reflected on what God did for me. He loved me just as I was…injured, incapable, prideful. God saw my sorry state and wanted me to remember what He did so that I could have a right relationship with Him.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son. That whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

At that moment of realization, I re-dedicated my life to Christ. Then my outlook on dance was transformed. Dance went from being an obsession to a way to worship God. Today, I dance and speak at Christian events throughoutCalifornia.

What About You?

Are you trying to find fulfillment in something other than Christ? Do you want to escape from the bondage of that obsession?

Christ wants to come into your life and satisfy your soul. He can free you. Allow God to come in and fill you with contentment. Surrender your life today by praying something like this:

Dear God, Forgive me for ignoring you and trying to find my worth in something that is temporal. I know you see the sin in my life—all the things that I do wrong both inwardly and outwardly. Please forgive me. Thank you for sending Jesus to die in my place so that I can be forgiven of my sins and have a relationship with you. Please come into my life today and help me change my ways.

Today may be your day to step out of bondage to earthly things. Allow Christ to free you and direct the steps of your new dance.

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